"Old Robbers" by Emil Braginsky and Eldar Ryazanov, summary Automatic translate

This story, written in 1970, addresses with good humor the issue of aging in people whose lives are completely devoted to their profession. Prosecutor’s investigator Nikolai Myachikov, an honest and naive man, agrees to daring criminal adventures to keep his beloved job, but his heightened sense of justice constantly thwarts his criminal plans. The story is distinguished by its paradoxical plot: law enforcement officers commit illegal acts to prove their professional competence, while the outside world stubbornly refuses to notice their misdeeds.

The work was adapted into a film with exceptional success. In 1971, Eldar Ryazanov directed a film of the same name, starring great Soviet actors. It became a true classic of Russian cinema and was immensely popular with audiences.

The threat of dismissal and the birth of a criminal plan

Nikolai Sergeyevich Myachikov is turning sixty. His appearance and surname perfectly match his character. The old man has been kicked, chased, and tricked his entire life, like a common ball. He works as a senior investigator, distinguished by his trusting nature and childlike kindness. Myachikov’s seventeenth boss, prosecutor Fyodor Fedyaev, plans to retire his subordinate. The real reason for the dismissal lies in a phone call. Higher management demands that he make way for a crony protégé, Yuri Proskudin. Fedyaev cynically gives Myachikov a one-month probationary period, knowing in advance that he won’t assign him anything serious. During a conversation in the dark basement of a robbed shoe store, the boss bluntly asks the old man to write a resignation letter.

At the same time, Myachikov’s friend, the energetic sixty-two-year-old engineer Valentin Vorobyov, is retiring. During the ceremonial farewell, his colleagues shower him with the usual praise and gifts. The man of the hour is presented with an electric coffee maker, a nickel-silver cup holder, and a fishing set. Vorobyov takes the false speeches at face value. Hearing the tearful song of the amateur performers and the management’s pleas for advice, the touched engineer announces he’s staying on. He returns the souvenirs to his stunned colleagues and throws a lavish banquet at his own expense. This decision angers his wife, Maria Tikhonovna.

At the party, Vorobyov learns of his friend’s plight. The resourceful engineer decides to salvage his career as an investigator. He devises a desperate plan. The pensioners are tasked with orchestrating a grand crime, which Myachikov will brilliantly solve and prove his professional aptitude. That same evening, Nikolai Sergeyevich meets Anna Pavlovna. This woman of rare resilience works as a cash collector. She is the mother of hockey player Volodya, the persistent fiancé of Vorobyov’s youngest daughter, Lucy. In the kitchen, while washing dishes, Myachikov develops a deep affection for his new acquaintance.

Vorobyov dismisses minor offenses like car theft. The engineer takes a friend to the Museum of Western Art. He decides to steal a painting by the great Dutch artist Rembrandt. The naive Myachikov, who sincerely loves art and admires the paintings of Pissarro, is horrified by the criminal idea. He flees the museum halls in panic, fleeing from a vision of bronze condottieri. That evening, Myachikov visits Anna Pavlovna. The old man makes an awkward marriage proposal for future reference and falls asleep peacefully on her sofa. In a dream, he sees a helicopter chase after the insolent Yuri Proskudin.

That morning, Myachikov runs into his replacement, Proskudin, at work. This young, cynical man had been transferred from the district social security office for drunkenness. The enraged investigator takes an unloaded pistol from the duty officer, Petya, and throws his rival out of his office at gunpoint. Desperation pushes the old man to a dubious move. He agrees to rob the museum with the engineer. That night, Myachikov writes a tearful farewell letter to Anna Pavlovna, seriously preparing for his imminent arrest. Vorobyov also lies awake, pondering the details of the theft.

Theft of a masterpiece of painting

During the day, the friends pull off the heist of the century. Vorobyov smuggles a homemade extension ladder into the museum, disguised as a long cane. A pensioner fakes a limp. The old men hide in the men’s restroom, change into blue work coats, and emerge into the halls. Vorobyov disables the alarm by removing the electrical fuses. They openly remove a Rembrandt masterpiece from the wall in full view of visitors and the curator. The policeman on the way out ignores the pensioners. The thieves laughingly tell the utter truth about the portrait they are taking.

Once home, Myachikov faints at the mere sight of the stolen canvas. Vorobyov calls an ambulance to no avail and leaves. Coming to, the investigator runs to Fedyaev to immediately report the museum theft. At that moment, a doctor and a locksmith break down the door to Myachikov’s empty apartment, responding to an old phone call. The locksmith stays behind to fix the lock and calmly lies down on the couch to watch a hockey game. Myachikov returns home. He mistakes the worker for a police ambush and tragically bids Vorobyov farewell over the phone.

Vorobyov, eager to protect his friend, rushes to the prosecutor’s office to confess. He insistently convinces his boss’s secretary that he committed the museum theft alone. Myachikov, who has arrived shortly after, interrupts the engineer and attempts to take the blame entirely. Soon, the elders discover, to their immense amazement, that the museum hadn’t even noticed the loss of the world-famous canvas. The staff had hung a sign on the empty wall announcing a scheduled restoration. The astonished friends secretly return the masterpiece to its original location, once again wearing their work uniforms.

An attack on a cash collector and unforeseen consequences

The restless Vorobyov devises a new plan. He proposes robbing Anna Pavlovna while she collects the day’s takings. The friends go to a suburban shooting range where collectors are taking their shooting tests. The old men spend a long time persuading the honest woman to play along. On the eve of a risky operation, the engineer’s heart fails him severely, and he falls ill with an attack of angina. It falls to Myachikov to fulfill their agreement. He waits for his lover near a closed bakery on a quiet side street. Myachikov clumsily takes the bag of cash and flees. The driver of the armored car and Anna Pavlovna engage in a noisy car chase.

Myachikov narrowly escapes the pursuing car by crawling through a hole in the fence. He collapses exhausted in a dark alleyway. A two-meter-tall, unknown brute approaches the gasping old man. He asks for a light, roughly takes the bag of government money, and disappears into the courtyard. Myachikov calls Anna Pavlovna from a nearby pay phone. He is horrified to learn the exact amount stolen. The bag contained two thousand three hundred and seventy-two rubles and sixteen kopecks.

In the morning, Myachikov, along with Fedyaev and Anna Pavlovna, inspect the drainpipes in the courtyard. The investigator pulls out an abandoned cash bag from the pipe. Exactly eight hundred rubles are missing. The cash collector accuses Myachikov of petty theft, declares a break in relations, and angrily leaves on a trolleybus. Vorobyov gives his friend his personal savings to fully cover the shortfall. The elderly couple arrive at the investigator’s home and find the room empty. Myachikov had managed to sell all his furniture to pay for the damages to the state.

Voluntary arrest and the triumph of justice

Unwilling to give up, Myachikov again maintains a night watch in the fateful alleyway. He uses a fake paper bag as bait. In the morning, the old man accidentally encounters the same brute. Threatening him with his service pistol, the investigator decisively detains the criminal. The old man takes the brute to a café and generously treats him to sausages at his own expense while he waits for the prosecutor’s office to open. In Fedyaev’s office, Myachikov frankly confesses to all the fraudulent schemes he committed. The prosecutor attributes his absurd stories to senile fatigue and calmly sends the real robber home.

A desperate Myachikov signs a form for his own arrest. He voluntarily locks himself in a prison cell at the prosecutor’s office. A psychiatrist carefully examines the prisoner and declares him completely sane. Vorobyov approaches the window bars and begs his friend to go free. Myachikov categorically refuses, wishing to face legal punishment for his criminal actions. Sitting in his cell, the old man sees a mental trial. In his fantasies, he firmly argues for the right of the elderly to an active life and a useful profession.

Realizing the utter futility of fighting an indifferent bureaucratic machine, the investigator voluntarily leaves the prison. His loyal family awaits him patiently on the night street. Valentin Vorobyov and Anna Pavlovna, who has grasped the crystal purity of his intentions, meet the old man at the exit. The three elderly people walk silently down the dark boulevard, tenderly supporting each other.